Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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