All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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