Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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