It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your penis caused this!
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