who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize