There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize