I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
