Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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