i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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