I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize