Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
