At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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