M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
