I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
