from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
