dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
