pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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