I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
