i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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