I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
