Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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