I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
