remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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