The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
