Porn is love you can see.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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