There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
