There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
