You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
