dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
