Nicole vs. Life
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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