I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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