Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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