hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
