I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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