We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
then he tried to convert me to islam
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
