I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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