You're completely useless in the revolution.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
