Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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