Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
