Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
