You can't special order awesome
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
