we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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