your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
