Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
