i need an iv and a liver transplant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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