i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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