My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
