I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
