She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The uberlube is also flammable
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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