Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
