dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
