You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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