it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
