and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
