My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
