Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
