I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
In America we eat man semen.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
