Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
