That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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