one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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