I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
