he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
