just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize