Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
