he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
