two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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