Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When are your genitals available?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
