Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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