? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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