You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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