Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize