If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
