i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Randomize
