I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
