Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
