You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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