Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
