one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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