she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize