Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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