the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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