My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dignity is for republicans.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wear drunk well.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
